Well that U/S was short and we didn't get new pics or anything. Well today at my first OB appt after my exam Dr. T told me we needed to talk. He said he had bittersweet news for me. My first thought was that something was wrong with one of the babies. He said there was no other way to tell me. We have triplets. OMG. I baby split into identical twins. They are sharing a placenta with a thin membrane in between them. I think that's called monochorionic-diamnionic.

I started crying. This is not something I wanted and certainly not something I planned for. I have spent 4 weeks thrilled about twins. Brian said are you sure? He's sure. He showed us the pic. They (I think what we had labeled B) are in the same sack. The problem is Baby C (I can't believe I am saying that) is only measuring just past 6 weeks when the other two measured 8 weeks and 4 days. And it does have a heartbeat but it's very erratic.

Technically one of three things could happen.

1. Since it's so far behind in growth and it's heartbeat is so erratic it could die soon and be absorbed.

2. It could die later and possibly cause complications for it's twin.

3. Or it could make it. He said he's seen weirder things happen.

I am EXTREMELY overwhelmed. I never wanted triplets. That's why we decided to transfer only two. The chances of this happening were slim. I have one set of identical twins on my father's side of the family and Brian has none.

My perfect family didn't include that. Please don't misunderstand me. I know it's a miracle and if the baby makes it I will love it no less. But I also don't want to lose both babies down the road. If the baby is going to die I want it to die early. That sounds horrible but if it does die early then the other baby won't be affected.

Geez.I simply am EXTREMELY overwhelmed. Please don't think bad of me for not being overjoyed. I am happy in a way and of course I don't want Baby C to die but this has just really caught me off guard. :(

I go back on April 1 for another U/S to see how they're doing. There's not really much I can do until then. I am a tad scared to get happy about the 3rd baby and lose it but I can't be miserable for 2 weeks either. Wow this is definitely not what we planned when we transferred two embryos.

I should be happy but I am terrified of the baby dying, of losing two and of it living! And of all the risks that come with a triplet pregnancy. I am sure the excitement will eventually come in when I know for sure more of what will happen. I am praying if all survive that they will be healthy babies.

I plan to spend the next week or so accepting the idea and just spending time meditating on Jeremiah 29:11-14 and Isaiah 55:8 & 9. There's really nothing else I can do but pray for all three babies and trust only in God.

If you know me personally please don't be offended that I didn't tell you one on one.