Well last week one of the girls (14) was rushed to the hospital cause her heart was beating erratically and she was dizzy. They watched her and couldn't find anything wrong and released her. Her local Dr. referred her to a specialist but thinks it's more psychological and recommend she talk to someone.

Well she chose me. This all came to a head last night when she had an anxiety attack during youth. And technically I am trained for this up to a point. I am a licensed chemical dependency counselor - and even though I am licensed with chemical dependency our courses were very detailed in therapy practices, etc. No don't get me wrong - I am no in no way a therapist but I do think I can help to a degree so I agreed. Well her mom gave me the run down. The girl has had a traumatic year. It started with almost being raped last year by her brother's house and she didn't tell anyone. Then she got involved with an 18 year old boy who joined the navy (a long story in and of itself) and he just broke up with her in July. Now with the WTC tragedy she just found out that his ship was deployed to the waters around Pakistan. Then she saw the boy who almost raped her at the fair last week and then two days ago her best friend was in a car wreck. One kid walked away, a girl is in the hospital in serious but stable condition and the boy is in a coma with blood on his brain.

I think she is overwhelmed. She goes to the Dr. next week and is now taking zoloft but contingent on what the Dr. says I think she is have anxiety/panic attacks. Believe me I've been reading my DSM4 to check it out.

So we are going to get together tonight. I did tell her mom that what she told me would be confidential for the most part and that if I felt at any time that it was over my experience I would find her a good christian therapist to work with and she agreed.

So I spent the majority of last night praying and thinking about her. I know this is a part of youth pastoring but it's still overwhelming. I have been where she is in regards to rape. So I can help. I've also encouraged her to make a private diary here to journal as part of her therapy. I am going over some of my practical training and I think we can get started together but honestly I think there is more and I wouldn't be surprised if there isn't something else there. I think she is growing up way to fast (i.e. dating an 18 year old) and part of growing up too fast can cause bad consequences.

So God I am asking you to lead my steps. Let the Holy Spirit lead me and work through me and convict my heart if I am ever in over my head and need to find more professional treatment. Bless this endeavor so we can heal together and help this young woman find the strength and courage to move on.

It's almost cathartic for me to help her as I was sexually abused as a child and later has some bad experiences with boys. I've been there. I can imagine how she feels and I know if I had thought I could have talked to someone how much it would have helped. Please open her heart so she feels safe with me. Bless her and give her courage and given me guidance. In the name of Jesus.

So we prayed for her last night and annointed her and made plans for her and I to get together tonight.

Then after I got T. on her way home, S. confided in me last night when I took her home after youth. Her story is troubling as well as she is my second cousin...So that will be another entry entirely and hopefully I will write it out shortly. It's a totally different situation especially since it's family - and a side of the family that I don't totally get along with! God please help me! Lead me and guide me!

And for those of you who read my diary please pray for me and S. and T.