Brian is working as a youth pastor and the stipend he gets pays our mortgage. It's very generous compared to what he did get at the other church. Then he's doing landscaping and lawn care. Well I sent out the June invoices and it's not enough to cover our bills at all. Brian has a long list of jobs to do but he's staying so busy at church that he's not getting it done.

Then the pastor came to him and asked him to consider and pray about pastoring the church so he could get back to evangelism more and more. It would be more money plus the amount to cover our house payment as a parsonage but not enough for me not to work and he would have even less time for lawn care.

So it's up to me. My boss doesn't want me to quit and he says please stay til September (to get them through the beginning of the Fall semester). But he wants a decision like NOW. And thankfully I didn't see him Friday and he's out today.

What on earth am I supposed to do? I want to stay home. Brian says it's up to me. But if he doesn't make a certain amount a month we can't make our bills. So I feel pressured to stay. CRAP. I can't out run this decision forever. It sucks it sucks it sucks.

And then the "well meaning" people whom I know mean well tell me well at least Brian can stay home with her in the mornings. It's a compromise but she's not in daycare you should be thankful.

Sigh! I am thankful. But it still hurts. I never wanted to be a working mom.

BTW there are multiple entries today. Be sure to go back and check out Salem's update.