I guess in a weird sense of way I understand what she means but it seems impossible. This is a baby inside me. I am carrying it. I will give birth to them but they will never breathe. They will never nurse. They will never hear me tell them I LOVE them or hear their daddy's voice. They will never cosleep with their baby sister. They will never growup. They will never be.

I guess for the world at large if you've never been through this it's just easier to think it's better not to think about it. Not to concentrate on it.

But it's often at the forefront of my mind. I have to go to childbirthing classes (at my Dr.'s urging). I simply don't want to go but since it's my first baby he is urging me to go. Do you know how hard it will be to sit in that room and see so many women and know that a lot of their biggest concerns will be how their nursery is coming or what to name the baby?

You know what hurts worse of all? Dr. T told me that we may not be able to tell the sex of the baby. That just seems so blasted unfair.

The hopeful news he did give me this week was that it looks like the babies were shifting around and maybe we can try for a vaginal birth. He said not to totally get my hopes up but if it's possible we will do it. YEAH! I think it would be better than recuperating from a csection on top of everything else.