a mother's love knows no bounds........

salem's story

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Update 8-12

2002-08-12 2:04 p.m.

I didn't feel Salem move a lot yesterday which TOTALLY freaked me out but she did get active this morning which eased my mind.

I am sleeping poorly and burning up all the time. I have taken to sleeping on the couch. I can't make it up and down the stairs real well to our room and my stepdaughter's bed downstairs is just really uncomfortable and in the hot zone of the house.

Other than that I am just tired and have a low appetite. I drank almost 2 gallons of milk last week though on my own. I astonished Brian! :) And I've been craving fresh veggies. Lunch today was raw tomatos, onions, bell peppers, carrots and celery with salt and pepper and caesar dressing all over it (without the lettuce - for some reason I don't want lettuce).

I really am procrasting on organizing the baby's room. Subconsciously I think I am just not up to it emotionally (I had a lot of "twin" stuff already) but I have to do it. I do have some clothes organized. We've been given a lot. I need to go to Walmart and get some baby hangers to get some outfits hung up that shouldn't be folded in drawers.

My mom did buy Salem a swimsuit! LOL. We have a pool so she wanted her to be "styling" next summer. It's tangerine and lime green. Too cute with ruffles on the bottom.

Other than that I am just so glad Brian is home. We have spent a lot of evenings together. I am working on a project for work in my spare time, trying to figure out this blasted sewing machine (I gave up and am waiting on my sister's return from Vegas to show me), working on a webpage and newsletter for Brian about his Brazil trip so we can get thank you letters out to all his donors and working on my invitation list for the shower upcoming on September 7th.

I found out that a lady at work who is due a few weeks before me is going to name her son Caden! **Sigh** I wonder if we will ever have a little boy. I have to admit I even wonder if our angel is our Caden. It's hard not to be sad. I am almost sure I can't go through this infertility hell again. It takes too much from me and my family. And now I will have a little girl to think of. And yes I know a lot of women get pregnant naturally after infertility treatment but a lot of them have unexplained infertility whereas I have blocked tubes, hostile cervical mucus, problems with my cervix (cervical stenosis) and annovulation. It could happen but I don't think it's likely.

We do have three embryos frozen so the most I think we will do is unfreeze them and try one FET a year or two after Salem is born. But I am not even sure of that. Even though I wouldn't have to do the fertility stimulation drugs I would have to do progesterone and estrogen and the like.

I may just be meant to be a mommy to Salem Ruth Rhena. And the more I think about it the more I think it might be ok. At least I will be a mommy to at least baby here on earth.

I am doing a really poor job of updating this diary but my goal right now is to update on a weekly basis! Be sure to check my pregnancy journal later today. I have an OB appt at 4 pm.

October 11, 2006 - 2006-10-11
Back from Vacation - 2006-07-18
July 3, 2006 - 2006-07-04
Parenting is Hard - 2006-06-30
Update June 23, 2006 - 2006-06-23