a mother's love knows no bounds........

salem's story

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I do have a temper

2001-11-09 10:52 a.m.

OK I really have a temper. I try to hide it but sometimes I don't really do well. But everyone close to me knows. I am opinionated and sometimes I can't keep my temper in check. Most of them time, especially since I became a Christian, I do well. But I have my times and it leaves me completely ashamed.

I am the type that is opinionated, I can't abide hurtful gossip, I don't put up with poor service or rude people, and I won't let myself be cheated. Most times I can do this quietly and softly but still forthright and forceful. But sometimes I just get SO mad that I lose it. I hate it when that happens and am so thankful that the times it happens is coming further and farther in between.

But that's all IRL. I also have this message board and it's like I have a separate personality on this board. Oh I don't mean that I am fake and not me. I am and still pretty opinionated for the most part.

But I am the "peacemaker". I do this for many reasons. Number one - I don't really make friends easily in real life (partly because I am so @!#!@ opinionated) and partly because TW (the name of my board) is like a haven for me.

I can go there and laugh and cry and scream and rant and be silly. I don't want to corrupt it so to speak with my "self". So when I get angry - I type an email to a close friend and rant and rage and vent and then I am okay! I think I need to do this IRL eh?

Anyway - because I don't do it publically on the board I think everyone has the image of me that's not really me. I kinda like that cause they don't see the bad but then I feel like I have to be on guard because if the real me slips out I might lose a friend I really care about.

Now I know that might not really happen but it's hard to think rationally in moments like this.

So basically I feel split. So for those of you at TW who read this - I am not a peacemaker to the extreme. I LOVE people and care about people but I tell them the truth. I've lost friends that way cause too many people don't want to hear the truth even when it's spoken in love. But I do love and care and typically I can control my anger #1 cause when I am posting I am typing. I am not face with someone who is angry back. So I can read and reread a post and edit and delete and then post something that makes sense.

I wish I could figure out a way to do that and have it make sense when I am actually in a discussion with someone.

UGH! I hate it that I have a temper. The only thing I am glad about it that it comes and goes quickly. I can be mad but I seldom hold a grudge.

UGH! I just need to talk this out. I know it probably doesn't make sense to a lot of people who read this but it makes sense to me and ultimately that's what matters, especially when I go back to reread what I wrote further along in my future.

October 11, 2006 - 2006-10-11
Back from Vacation - 2006-07-18
July 3, 2006 - 2006-07-04
Parenting is Hard - 2006-06-30
Update June 23, 2006 - 2006-06-23