a mother's love knows no bounds........

salem's story

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Saturday November 9

2002-11-10 1:27 a.m.

WOW I am just unable to get back in the groove of posting regularly. Mia makes me look bad! LOL. I also need to approve people to the Jesus Freaks Diaryring (that will be soon) and update Salem's website. I have been taking notes of stuff I want to add. I just haven't had time to do it all.

Someone asked about maternity leave in my guestbook. Well according to the Family Medical Leave Act I am entitle to 12 weeks. Originally I had PLENTY of sick leave to cover that and working part time after 32 weeks. Well with 4 1/2 months of bed rest I ran out. My employers are pretty gracious and went ahead and paid me for 6 weeks. But after that I am not paid and we are depending on my check to make our house payment. So alas I am going back November 18. It just FREAKING SUCKS. But I will be back for 7 days then off 3 for Thanksgiving and then back for 3 weeks in December and off 2 for Christmas break.

Brian has SEVERAL job interviews lined up and still has the option of staying where he is if they follow through with his pay (LONG STORY there). So hopefully I can stay home in January.

Salem is doing wonderful. We've had MANY issues with nursing. She simply won't latch. I am seeing a LC and we are still working on it and I am pumping up a store. Salem was 7'4' at birth and lost down to 6"10" I think. She took 4 weeks to regain her birth weight and the 3rd week she was put on a special preemie formula. The day she was put on it she weigh 7 pounds and in a week she was 7'8' and now 10 days later she is 8 pounds.

So next Wed I am expecting the Dr. to ok me going back to total BM. I have been pumping up a storm, offering the breast EVERY session and using a supplemental nursing system with the formula. I REALLY want to nurse. So if you pray please pray she gets the hang of it. Oh and did I mention she has thrush? Sigh!

We had Salem's baby dedication and Angel's memorial service last weekend. Sat was ok at first. I went shopping and got a few clothes and Salem did real well being out. Then I wore myself out cleaning house for family coming in the next day. My sister couldn't get off work and could only be at church for the baby dedication. She was going to sing Glory Baby so that was a real disappointment. So then my mom had already told me that she was going to Austin after the baby dedication for a work retreat. So that left Brian's family. Then his grandmother called and couldn't come cause she was sick and his sister never called but never came either. So it was me and Brian and Korie and Brian's dad and stepmom. The dedication went wonderfully and Salem looked perfect in her christening gown. But the memorial service is not what I had had planned in my mind. It was still nice but Brian was so tired he didn't get the back yard mowed so it wasn't pretty for pictures. Then it rained all night Sat and all morning Sunday so we didn't go outside anyway to place the memorial stone so I guess the lack of pictures didn't matter. We can always taken them later. Brian's dad shared a special thought and prayer with us, I played Glory Baby from the CD and Korie read a poem Brian wanted read. And Brian was really grieving and when he's like that he's not really open. So I guess I just felt really alone and then I realized that Angel was really gone. And it really hit me. As happy as I am I have Salem I really felt the loss intensely. Then 2 hours later I was alone with Salem for the rest of the night. Brian's dad and stepmom left to go home and Brian left to take Korie back to New Mexico. So I got weapy and had a hard night. It was just really a rough night to be alone. I tried to get online and my stupid Internet was done til yesterday morning.

But I am better now. Brian placed the stone and we planted a tree and in the Spring I am going to plant some flowers and bury our memory box. So I guess it went well but it's not really what I had planned in my mind. Also I guess many people may not realize we are grieving even though we have Salem. Sometimes it can be hard to grieve alone.

Then I went to my moms of twins group that I had joined before Angel died. It was nice to show Salem off and be the center of attention but it was a little hard too. Sigh. I guess I am just having a pity party. But they've done a lot for us. They made a memorial donation in Angel's name to CLIMB (center for loss in multiple birth), prayed and even supplied us with several meals after coming home with Salem. So I really needed to go.

October 11, 2006 - 2006-10-11
Back from Vacation - 2006-07-18
July 3, 2006 - 2006-07-04
Parenting is Hard - 2006-06-30
Update June 23, 2006 - 2006-06-23