Another Roadbump in My TTC Journey
UGH. My RE called and said they want me to get an HSG done. Now I've already had one done and it was one of the worse IF testing or treatment experiences that I have EVER had. I do NOT want one. And it's basically it's because my Dr. did my lap to check out possible hydros. And he told me that was part was clear. But I guess he wasn't clear in his notes. So I asked him to fax a report to the Dr.'s office (the RE's). It's a little frustrating cause they can require the test. And I really don't need this added expense. Why can't ANYTHING be easy about this? And it's really not about having a baby or not being able to have one should I say. I am just totally aggravated that nothing seems to be easy for me with TTC. It makes no sense at all. It's like I am standing under a curse or something. But I know I'm not. Psalms 113:9 says God will make the barren woman (me), God will make me, a happy mother of children.
And it didn't help that my boss (my 25 year old boss) announced in a staff meeting that his wife was pregnant with their 1st. Actually I was pretty excited for them. I am always glad to know of people who don't have trouble. I would never wish this infertility hell on anyone. Except maybe those who would abuse and kill their innocent child. But I only think that way for a short time cause I like to believe there is something redeemable in EVERY human life. Anyway - I digress. **Sigh** I really was okay until I looked up and saw a few ladies give me that "you poor thing" look. UGH! I will ALWAYS regret sharing with family, friends and a few people at work and especially at work that we were ttc. I mean after 3 years they were bound to find out. But those looks. SPARE ME! I am at a stage where I am not pitying myself (a big step in my case). I don't need their pity to help send me back over the edge I've so desperately climbed over.
The good news is my first acupuncture is tomorrow am. I am nervously excited about that. I am hoping it does help heal me and help relax me the most. I am really looking forward to it and will write an entry about that experience tomorrow.October 11, 2006 - 2006-10-11
Back from Vacation - 2006-07-18
July 3, 2006 - 2006-07-04
Parenting is Hard - 2006-06-30
Update June 23, 2006 - 2006-06-23