a mother's love knows no bounds........

salem's story

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Another Roadbump in My TTC Journey

2001-11-26 11:08 p.m.

UGH. My RE called and said they want me to get an HSG done. Now I've already had one done and it was one of the worse IF testing or treatment experiences that I have EVER had. I do NOT want one. And it's basically it's because my Dr. did my lap to check out possible hydros. And he told me that was part was clear. But I guess he wasn't clear in his notes. So I asked him to fax a report to the Dr.'s office (the RE's). It's a little frustrating cause they can require the test. And I really don't need this added expense. Why can't ANYTHING be easy about this? And it's really not about having a baby or not being able to have one should I say. I am just totally aggravated that nothing seems to be easy for me with TTC. It makes no sense at all. It's like I am standing under a curse or something. But I know I'm not. Psalms 113:9 says God will make the barren woman (me), God will make me, a happy mother of children.

And it didn't help that my boss (my 25 year old boss) announced in a staff meeting that his wife was pregnant with their 1st. Actually I was pretty excited for them. I am always glad to know of people who don't have trouble. I would never wish this infertility hell on anyone. Except maybe those who would abuse and kill their innocent child. But I only think that way for a short time cause I like to believe there is something redeemable in EVERY human life. Anyway - I digress. **Sigh** I really was okay until I looked up and saw a few ladies give me that "you poor thing" look. UGH! I will ALWAYS regret sharing with family, friends and a few people at work and especially at work that we were ttc. I mean after 3 years they were bound to find out. But those looks. SPARE ME! I am at a stage where I am not pitying myself (a big step in my case). I don't need their pity to help send me back over the edge I've so desperately climbed over.

The good news is my first acupuncture is tomorrow am. I am nervously excited about that. I am hoping it does help heal me and help relax me the most. I am really looking forward to it and will write an entry about that experience tomorrow.

October 11, 2006 - 2006-10-11
Back from Vacation - 2006-07-18
July 3, 2006 - 2006-07-04
Parenting is Hard - 2006-06-30
Update June 23, 2006 - 2006-06-23