a mother's love knows no bounds........

salem's story

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I think I know why

2001-12-03 11:16 p.m.

Normally the week before Thanksgiving I am bouncing off the wall in preparation for Christmas. I get Brian to carry the things down from the attic so promptly the Saturday after Christmas I can decorate the house. Normally I have candles lit and christmas music playing and I hum and sing as I decorate.

But this year it was like pulling teeth to get the tree up. I think I only did it cause I have 3 dinner parties coming up. **Sigh**

Now my tree and my living room is decorated and I do have the garland on the stairway. But that's it. The rest of the mounds of Christmas decorations are all over my dining room table. I just am NOT into it.

And I think I know why...the closer it gets to Christmas, the closer it is to January and thus the closer it is to IVF. OK I am SO excited about IVF. Really. It's a miracle we can even do it financially what with the price cut from the Dr. and the free meds. BUT. The closer I get to IVF the closer I get to my ttc road deadending.

Once this IVF is over my only chance at TTC until we are back on our feet financially is if we have embryos frozen to use for frozen embryo transfers.

I guess I really am getting close to the end of this journey and that scares the living daylights out of me.

Now I am positive and hopeful and I am enjoying the natural aspect of ttc this month. But down deep inside - I will I make it if this fails? How will I?

October 11, 2006 - 2006-10-11
Back from Vacation - 2006-07-18
July 3, 2006 - 2006-07-04
Parenting is Hard - 2006-06-30
Update June 23, 2006 - 2006-06-23