Why is it so hard to be happy with what you have? I mean that inregards to ttc but in regards to life in general too. Sometimes I am just not happy. And I don't want to be that way.

I have a wonderful husband, good friends, a good job, 3 loveable furbabies, family, a nice home, etc. But I tend to concentrate on what I don't have. Is that normal? Am I normal? I think I have asked myself that question for forever and a day.

I am physically and mentally drained from Brian's grandmother being in the hospital. We need to be there for her and yet it's overwhelmingly tiring. The house is not clean - well it's clean but messy. My cats think I don't love them. My email is full and I don't have time to go through it. Sometimes I just wonder.

Of course our car broke down again. It's been broke for a couple of weeks. The transmission - AGAIN! We have already spent $2000 on it. So now it's the torque converter pump which feeds transmission fluid to the transmission. It was broke so it didn't and thus the transmission is in trouble again.

It's gonna cost $1000 +. It will have to come out of IVF money and I will probably find a part-time job to make the money back. I can't lose this chance. I just can't.