a mother's love knows no bounds........

salem's story

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Infertility Rant Part I

2002-01-27 6:18 p.m.

You know I don't want people to feel sorry for me and to say things like "it will happen" or "it's just not time yet" or "it's not god's will" or "maybe it's for the best" or any of that other junk they say to women/couples with infertility problems. I know that it comes from a wonderful heart but it doesn't make me feel better. I feel patronized and condescended to. I think women who have gone through miscarriages have heard similar things. Don't. Please just don't say it. It doesn't make us hurt less. Usually it makes us hurt more. Especially because it can make us feel like you think our feelings are totally invalid. As if I really don't have a reason to be upset that I haven't gotten pregnant in 39 cycles (almost 4 years really sinec I have long cycles). If I just relax miraculously my tubes will unblock, my cerivical mucus won't kill Brian's sperm, I will ovulate on my own and I will instantly no longer have problems with my cervix. UGH. I do believe in miracles but I believe in medicine too. Relaxing is NOT a cure all.

OK here's a brief note to say this has nothing to do with my personal feelings about IVF. I am happy and excited and totally at peace about tomorrow's retrieval! WOW this could be it. I am so relieved that I finally responded and that I have a wonderful chance to be a mom.

But it hurts me when people who have absolutely NO concept of what infertility is to assume I am going to have 4-5 babies (I can't tell you how many times I've been asked that). Let me just say having 4 + babies is NOT the norm. Don't let the media fool you. Or they assume that because I am doing IVF I am playing God.

Geez people. Get some knowledge. Educate yourself. God is the creator of medicine. Would you go to the Dr. for another medical condition? If so what the heck is the difference? ACCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK. People drive me LITERALLY crazy sometimes on this subject.

I am living it. I know how it feels. I know what the success rates are and what the side effects are. I don't need to be told by someone who watched Oprah or the current TV talk show flavor of the day about what I need to do to get pregnant.

So if you are someone who knows someone who is dealing with infertility, think first please. I don't mean this ugly but simply think before you say something. For instance, I was an my inlaws one with all 17 grandkids running around. It was noisy and nervewracking and there were SEVERAL different (and I mean different) parenting styles present. So it was nervewracking. At that time all of the kids but 4 were under 4. So she looked at me and said, "Times like these make you glad you don't have children yet huh?" Oh why in the @!#@ did she say that? Does that make a lick of sense? So me being the big mouth I am said, "No I can't say it does!"

See Infertility Rant Part II for advice if you've never dealt with infertility and you want to be there for someone who is dealing with it.

October 11, 2006 - 2006-10-11
Back from Vacation - 2006-07-18
July 3, 2006 - 2006-07-04
Parenting is Hard - 2006-06-30
Update June 23, 2006 - 2006-06-23