a mother's love knows no bounds........

salem's story

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Easier When Brian Gets Home

2002-07-20 2:23 p.m.

I am just not in the mood to post. But I should. Cause if I let myself I will just let my thoughts wither away and that's not good. Thanks for the posts in my book and the emails from those worried about me. I am ok. Really. Just in a funk.

And I am SEVERELY missing Brian while he's gone. I have talked to him several times and he will be back Wed night.

My stepdaughter is driving me crazy. She's at an age where she wants your constant attention and I guess this "bedrest" thing has her lonely. But I am trying to make sure her cousin or local friend spend a lot of time here. And I caught her wearing a halter top without her bra in public. Sigh. And had to be the bad guy. I told her if she did it again the halter top would be confisated. I don't feel like being the bad guy but she is pressing my buttons lately. Like last Sunday we went out and bought her a one piece swimsuit for camp. Well she took it out of the bag in the car and then forgot to put it back in. Well ALL week she's been crying and complaining about losing it and having to buy another one. I keep telling her - did you check the car did you check the car? Finally she checks the car (5 days later) and low and behold it's there. Geez Leah you could have just told me! Imagine me rolling my eyes here.

I don't even feel like going outside and laying by the pool much. I was supposed to be tanning while Brian was gone and reading lots of books. Yeah like I've accomplished that.

I am sleeping terribly but other than that I am ok. My BP is never fine, Salem is thriving (check out my pregnancy diary for more details), and I am just getting through. I am tired for the most part but if I have Salem by week 37 that means I have less than 10 weeks.

I've bought a few baby things. I got an Over The Shoulder Baby Holder and Mia gave me a link to a pattern to sew a different style one. I went shopping this week and bought material for curtains and I am going to try to have those done soon. And I bought wooden letters that spell Salem's name. I want Brian to paint them. They are really cute. I also bought some ribbon to use on homemade birth announcements and just recently found out I won some stamps to work on them too. I can't wait to get them and start working on all this. I have to wait to work on the curtains as this is my first sewing machine project and I have to wait for my sister or grandmother to come show me how to use my new sewing machine.

I've seen Sum of All Fears and am taking Korie and her cousin to see The Rookie tomorrow. I've read 2 books, watched John Q and Shallow Hal and Domestic Disturbance. I guess the biggest thing is I am just feeling isolated.

But we're on the downhill slope. So I just need to get a grip and get a move on. I think it will be easier when Brian is home. But oh I have SO much to do. I have 4 packages to mail (baby gifts), bills to pay, Korie's school clothes to shop for, a memorial service to plan and I am working on the finishing touches to send the youth group to camp.

I did join an email list for people who have lost a multiple either before birth or after. Parts of joining this list have been more painful than I was prepared for. But it helps to know I am not alone. But it breaks my heart to know they feel what I feel. No one should have to feel that. No one.

Oh and did I mention that Brian's car broke down this weekend? I now have my car out of the shop (it was there for new CV boots (I think that's what they're called) so I at least have transportation. But still...And I still miss my Luci.

October 11, 2006 - 2006-10-11
Back from Vacation - 2006-07-18
July 3, 2006 - 2006-07-04
Parenting is Hard - 2006-06-30
Update June 23, 2006 - 2006-06-23